Tag: Children

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#blogjune momentous events

Conversations with my younger children…

Yesterday, we went out for breakfast. Mooloolaba Surf Club – breakfast overlooking the water. All you can eat. And the food is always yummier if you’re the one not preparing it or washing up, don’t you find?

Miss7 decided to serve herself fruit salad. She ate some rockmelon, gushing, “This is my favourite fruit of all time! I love rockmelon just sooooooooo much!”

I looked at her. (We rarely have rockmelon in the house, because I’m the only one who eats it.) “Really?” I asked “Since when?”

She paused in her munching, and thought about it for a few moments. Then she turned to me, all seriousness, and said “Since I was six.”

It was hard to keep a straight face, but I managed. I think.

Mr6’s conversation, immediately after breakfast, left a different kind of feeling. He took my hand, looked into my eyes, and said, “Mummy?”

“Yes, my sweet?”

“I’m autistic.”

“Yes,” I said, my eyes tearing up. “Yes, my sweet. You are.”

It was a bittersweet meal.

 

Categories
#blogjune Blogging challenges

‘Mummy’ – my kids’ perspective

To finish up this week on raising kids, I thought I might get my kids to complete that Facebook survey that’s been doing the rounds over the last week or so. Here are my kids’ answers, word for word:

Child No1, aged 10

  1. What is something Mummy always says to you? I love you.
  2. What makes Mummy happy? ‘Mummy and me’ time.
  3. What makes Mummy sad? When she has to yell at me.
  4. How does Mummy make you laugh? By doing funny things and tickling me.
  5. What was Mummy like as a child? I don’t know.
  6. How old is Mummy? 41.
  7. How tall is Mummy? 1 metre
  8. What is Mummy’s favourite thing to do? Tickle kids and have hugs.
  9. What does Mummy do when you’re not here? Play with toys.
  10. If Mummy becomes famous, what will it be for? I don’t know.
  11. What is Mummy really good at? Singing.
  12. What is Mummy not very good at? High jump.
  13. What is Mummy’s job? Music teacher.
  14. What makes you proud of Mummy? How much money she earns.
  15. What is Mummy’s favourite food? Apple crumble.
  16. What do you and Mummy do together? Play.
  17. How are you and Mummy the same? Music talent.
  18. If your Mummy was a cartoon character, who would she be? The Mayor on My Little Pony
  19. How are you and Mummy different? She has short hair.
  20. How do you know Mummy loves you? Because she gives me a bed to sleep in and a room and a house and a family and a big property and pets and vitamins that I hate, when I’m sick.
  21. What does Mummy like best about Daddy? That he’s her husband.
  22. Where is Mummy’s favourite place to go? Out.
  23. How old was Mummy when she had you? I don’t want to do Maths.

Child No2, aged 7

  1. What is something Mummy always says to you? I love you.
  2. What makes Mummy happy? Me.
  3. What makes Mummy sad? When I do the wrong thing.
  4. How does Mummy make you laugh? By tickling me.
  5. What was Mummy like as a child? She read books all the time.
  6. How old is Mummy? 41.
  7. How tall is Mummy? Not so tall.
  8. What is Mummy’s favourite thing to do? Play with her kids.
  9. What does Mummy do when you’re not here? Work.
  10. If Mummy becomes famous, what will it be for? Being smart.
  11. What is Mummy really good at? Tickling.
  12. What is Mummy not very good at? Watching TV.
  13. What is Mummy’s job? Teaching.
  14. What makes you proud of Mummy? {What does that mean?} That she’ a good Mum.
  15. What is Mummy’s favourite food? ice-cream
  16. What do you and Mummy do together? Tickle eachother.
  17. How are you and Mummy the same? We’re both middle children.
  18. If your Mummy was a cartoon character, who would she be? One of the old ladies in ‘Puss in Boots’.
  19. How are you and Mummy different? Age.
  20. How do you know Mummy loves you? Because if I didn’t have Mummy, things wouldn’t go very well.
  21. What does Mummy like best about Daddy? Something.
  22. Where is Mummy’s favourite place to go? Library.
  23. How old was Mummy when she had you? I don’t know.

Child No3, aged 6

  1. What is something Mummy always says to you? You can play on the playstation after you eat your food.
  2. What makes Mummy happy? Doing the right thing.
  3. What makes Mummy sad? When I cry.
  4. How does Mummy make you laugh? When I say something different.
  5. What was Mummy like as a child? She used to work.
  6. How old is Mummy? I forgot.
  7. How tall is Mummy? About this high – my arm almost reaches!
  8. What is Mummy’s favourite thing to do? Listen to me.
  9. What does Mummy do when you’re not here? She goes to school.
  10. If Mummy becomes famous, what will it be for? I don’t understand.
  11. What is Mummy really good at? Making the fire [in the fireplace] and dinner.
  12. What is Mummy not very good at? Playing on the Wii. She keeps on coming last.
  13. What is Mummy’s job? Teaching.
  14. What makes you proud of Mummy? Nothing.
  15. What is Mummy’s favourite food? Ice-blocks or ice-cream
  16. What do you and Mummy do together? I help Mummy to make the fire.
  17. How are you and Mummy the same? When I grow up.
  18. If your Mummy was a cartoon character, who would she be? I don’t know.
  19. How are you and Mummy different? Mummy has a lot of spots and I’m a lot smaller.
  20. How do you know Mummy loves you? When she says ‘I love you’.
  21. What does Mummy like best about Daddy? I don’t know.
  22. Where is Mummy’s favourite place to go? To the park.
  23. How old was Mummy when she had you? Umm…maybe… 39 years old?

So there you have it! I guess I tell my kids that I love them enough – but maybe they don’t hear me say it to Hubby? And if I want my kids to spontaneously buy me a packet of Raffaello from time to time, I guess I’m going to need to tell then that it’s my all-time favourite food, aren’t I?!

Have a great day, dear reader!

— KRidwyn

Categories
#blogjune Life

Raising kids #3

I’ve spent the vast majority of my career (to date) teaching teenagers. And the majority of *that* time, was spent teaching them English. That’s a lot of time. And teenagers, on the whole, don’t like learning English particularly much.

I’d like to think that I’ve helped. That I managed to engage my students with the lessons. Maybe inspire some of them with my love for the language, for the writing. Maybe.

But, be that as it may, I’m really experienced at teaching teenagers. Which is a completely different kettle of fish from teaching children just born. As in, my own precious cherubs…. currently Miss10, Miss7 and Mr6.

As a parent, it took an exceptionally long time to realise that, if I wanted my kids to understand something, I needed to teach it to them. Just thick, I guess. But I couldn’t expect them to ‘know’ it, if they’d never experienced it before. It was a pretty powerful revelation when it eventually came, let me tell you! But that brings me (finally!) to Tip #3: Set expectations.

Because really, how will a child know what is expected of them, if they’re never told what to expect?

Case in point: social protocols.

I somehow expected that my eldest child would pick up, as though through osmosis, how to act in public. That maybe she would watch, and copy, appropriate behaviours.

Nope. Didn’t happen.

It wasn’t until I sat down with her and explained the situation that we were about to enter, then told her what I expected her to do, that she understood and was able to meet those expectations. It was simple enough, really. But without my explicitly telling her those expectations of mine, how on earth was she meant to meet them? Exactly. She couldn’t.

So, for example, now when she has a friend come over for a visit, she meets them at the front gate (like I’ve said before, quite a large property) and welcomes them. Once inside, she asks if they’d like a drink / something to eat. When playing, she doesn’t dominate, doesn’t demand. And when her friend is leaving, she’ll go back to the front gate with them, after thanking them, thanking their parent / guardian, etc etc.

It seems simple enough, but it had to be taught. None of it just ‘happened’. And it’s not that she was anti-being hospitable; she just didn’t know. Because I hadn’t done my job, and taught her. So now? I look ahead. Plan ahead for what situations my children will be encountering, and let them know what it is I expect of them.

A number of times now, they have come with me on a Friday morning, to the two-hour-long meeting I have with the Beerwah Writer’s Group. They sit quietly, in one corner of the room, for the entire time, amusing themselves. They never speak so loudly that they distract the group. Who joke that “they’re not kids, they’re cardboard cutouts!” because my children are so respectful and so well-behaved. Why? Because I expect them to be. I’ve told them how to behave. And when they do, they get a reward for it – a chocolate bar each, or something. They’ve earned it!

So anyway, that’s my tip #3. Set expectations. Without them, there are no boundaries. No goal posts. And that’s not fair.

Would you agree?

Categories
family anecdotes Random thoughts

Raising kids #2

So I posted yesterday my Number One parenting tip: rewards first. The second however, follows closely behind…

Tip #2: stuff costs money.

We know this. We all know it. You get what you pay for in life. Want a new car? Or a house? A holiday? A meal at a nice restaurant? You can have them all – but you need to pay for them. If you’re in the market for a car, and you like Toyota Landcruisers but only have $10K to spend, it’s far more likely that the car you end up buying looks more like Mr Bean’s than you’d like it too.

Likewise, my kids understand the value of things. They understand… because they can be quick learners when they have the incentive to be!

I mentioned yesterday that my kids earn points (and therefore money) by ticking off chores on the app Choremonster. This gives them money to spend.

It also gives them money to lose, on taxes.

Yes, you read that right. Taxes.

Stuff costs money. Including stuff that kids should be responsible for, themselves.

My kids know that they need to pick up after themselves; put things away where they should go.

They also are aware that, when people move house, for example, they pay someone to help them move.

This is what I have in my house.

Mr 6 can’t be bothered moving his bike from where he left it, back to where it should live? That’s fine. I’ll move it for him, and he’ll pay me for the privilege. Moving tax. Miss7 continually leaves her Wii remote on the lounge? Fine, but if it’s still there when I need to sit down, I’ll need to move it and she’ll pay a moving tax. Miss 10, towel on the floor? Fine again – but it incurs a moving tax if she expects me to do it for her.

It’s brilliant; I love it. The kids know that they need to be responsibile, otherwise they’ll end up paying for the privilege of being lazy. And it’s not a set sum. Wii remotes are generally only 20 cents, but moving a bike can be up to $5 (we have a large property). And it adds up! When Miss7 takes off her school uniform and leaves it all on the floor, then that can be 20c for the left shoe, 20c for the right shoe, 20c per sock, 20c for the shirt, 20c for the shorts – that’s $1.20 just for the uniform! Watch out if she’s left her homework folder, school bag, lunchbox etc on the floor as well!

They only do it once.

And taxes don’t just apply to moving things. I have a ‘lights tax’ (for when they leave their bedroom light on) and also a ‘laundering clean clothes tax’ (this one is mainly for Miss10, I must admit). I’ve told her that if she lets her clean school shirt falls off the hanger and onto the floor of her wardrobe, and she then assumes that because it’s on the floor then it’s dirty, and she puts in the laundry ready to be washed again, then that’s fine. I’m happy to wash her perfectly clean shirt, and she needs to be happy to pay me $3 for the privilege. She’s been more careful since she tried that one!

It also applies to food. If my kids want to leave their sandwich crusts, they can. But they can also help me pay for the loaf of bread that they’re choosing to waste. 5 cents per crust is our going rate. And that way, it’s their choice. They can eat their food, or they can pay to leave it. It’s fair, and it cuts out arguments.

Right now, you’re probably thinking, ‘that’s tough’. Yes, possibly so. But my kids are learning that Mummy won’t always be there for them. They’re learning that stuff costs, and things have value.

So many kids today don’t understand that, I’ve noticed. My kids do.

And the way I see it, they’re going to have to learn it one day! May as well be now.

So anyway, that’s my tip #2.

And here’s hoping that you have a lovely rest-of-the-day, dear reader!

Yours,

KRidwyn

Categories
family anecdotes Life

Raising kids #1

I posted yesterday that my kids aren’t noisy ones. And I’ve been mulling over for a while now, a few posts with regard to this.

Quite regularly, I’m given compliments regarding the good behaviour of my children. And I love hearing these comments! So I thought I’d share what works for me. Disclaimer: this is only what’s been working for ME. I hope that it may work for you, too, but each and everyone’s situation is different, hey!

So, here goes. #1. Rewards first.

One of my favourite Bible verses is Proverbs 29:18, which talks about ‘where there is no vision, [the] people perish’. Meaning: you’ve got to have an end-goal in mind. Something to work for. A reward that you can see, that you want, that makes the doing of stuff-that-you-don’t-want-to-do, worthwhile. Call it a bribe, if you will, but honestly, who doesn’t work without one? Adults get paychecks, so why shouldn’t children?

With that in mind, I love the app ChoreMonster. It’s free, and it helps my children be responsible for their own ‘rewards’. Each child has their own profile, and there are dozens of different chores that you can load onto their profiles. I’d suggest just a few for starters, because you don’t want to overwhelm them! As each chore is done, the child send it to you for approval, and they get to spin a carnival-style prize wheel, which gives them either good prizes – monsters to collect (and there’s good reading practice for younger kids, showing what each monster likes) or kid-style bad prizes (warning: some toilet humour involved here!)

Once the parent has approved the chore, they also receive points towards a reward of their own choosing – again, there are dozens to choose from. So there’s Maths skills involved there as well, where my kids add up exactly how many points they need to get to their wanted reward. And the best thing about these rewards – they’re completely earned, so there’s no subjectivity and ‘it’s not fair’ cries from little mouths. Parents can also give ‘boost points’ if they want, for good behaviour, doing well in a spelling test at school, helping with the gardening, etc etc.

But what I like the most? It’s fully customisable. I don’t actually use the default chores, or the default rewards. I use their program, and have tailored it completely to our own household and my own expectations. So ‘chores’ for my kids include ‘pack schoolbag’ and ‘brush teeth’ and ‘unpack the dishwasher’ but I also have ‘child-specific homework’ (eg. readers for Mr6 but Maths Mentals for Miss10) and ‘violin practice’ (three different reward options for three different lengths of practice) on there too, for example.

With the rewards side of things, I use a point = one cent system. So if a child wants to exchange ChoreMonster points for cash to spend at the shops, they know that 200 points equals a $2 coin. Or if they want me to treat them to McDonald’s, then they need 500 ChoreMonster points (for each child for wants to go). But generally, they use it for in-app purchases for their favourite games. So they can buy gems for DragonVale, for example. On Sunday just gone, both Miss10 and Mr6 bought diamonds for the app SingingMonsters because the app was having a currency sale. They were pretty stoked – Miss 10 bought 100 diamonds, Mr 6 bought 50. Miss7 was a little put out, but then again she *had* bought gems for the MyLittlePony app just a few weeks earlier!

So – that’s my Tip #1. Rewards first. Give them a vision, something to work towards, and make sure it’s something that THEY want.

And all the best with it!

Have a lovely day, dear reader 🙂

— KRidwyn

Categories
teaching Work

Today…

Today I watched children perform. I watched them turn sing, dance, do gymnastics. I watched them support each other, applaud each other, and do this voluntarily. I watched older children organise, compere, stage crew, and sound crew.

This would not have happened without my instigating it. Teaching the older children how to run it. Supervising. Smoothing over the (very few) rough patches.

It was beautiful.

I loved every second.

Sometimes, life is just wonderful.

Here’s wishing your day is just as wonderful, dear reader!

— KRidwyn

 

Categories
family anecdotes momentous events

Highlights…

Wow! It’s been a busy one! Some highlights:

– my little man has now used the toilet for BOTH number 1s and number 2s (yeh, I bet you didn’t *really* want to read about that when you clicked on the link – but as a Mum of an autistic 4 year old, that’s a HUGE highlight for me!!!)

– Miss 8 asked me to start teaching her how to crochet – and she’s pretty good!

– Miss 5 has improved IMMENSELY in castings, and I’m SO proud of her, and

– Mr 4 had his immunisations yesterday (boo hiss) but it went EXTREMELY well! So well, in fact, I thought I’d write you the story:

One of the doctors in the treatment area, who’d heard my explanation that “I haven’t prepared him for this – he’s autistic, so he won’t understand” told the nurse “get another person, and do both arms at the same time then”. So my little man’s GP came back, and that’s what they did – and he screamed for about 20 seconds. TOTAL!!! I could NOT believe it! I mean, yes, he was sore and a little whingy afterwards, but WOW! I wish someone had thought of that with my other children – for every single time that they’d had needles!!! But oh well.

So. Here’s praying that today and over the next few days, are good days at Kindy for him then, while his shoulders are both so sore…!

And here’s wishing you, also, a great day, dear readers! 🙂

Categories
family anecdotes Life More about me teaching Work

Happiness is…

I am so truly, incredibly, utterly blessed. I’ve scored a job working in the same school where my daughters go. I get to teach them both Music. I get to look through the windows of their classrooms as I walk around the school. I get to see them at break times, while they’re eating; while they’re playing with their friends. I get to liaise with their teachers about the day-to-day things. And they get to see me as a teacher, which in some respects is a more confortable skin for me than the ‘mother’ skin is.

It’s pretty darn cool, let me tell you!!!

Categories
momentous events More about me

And speaking of money…

We have, what one of my best friends calls, a ‘postage stamp’ of a house. It’s tiny. It’s 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom cum laundry, with open plan and cathedral ceiling for the lounge / dining / kitchen, so it feels a lot more spacious than it is. But with Hubby, me, and three growing kids, it’s getting smaller and smaller by the month. So we’re planning to extend.

We started with our grand designs. Our pipe-dream of what it was we wanted. Add a parent retreat, double storey of course, so we could take advantage of the views across to the Glasshouse Mountains. Garage. Study. Deck. Ensuite & walk-in wardrobe.

Then we met with a builder, and were rather disappointed when it came to discussing costs. Whittled our plans down. And down again. And again. And again.

Now, we’re happy with our plans. We’re still going to be adding a fourth bedroom (we *really* need to separate Miss 5 and Mr 3) and an ensuite to the Main bedroom, and a little study will adjoin the lounge room, but our overall vision is much, much reduced from our pipedream.

So all we need now is to wait for it to happen! (Oh, and pay for it all, of course!)

Categories
family anecdotes teaching Work

Sleeping in

Hubby likes to sleep in. Fair enough – he has an extremely intense job, and he needs his recovery time.

I’m an early bird. I’ve never really enjoyed staying in bed when I could be up and doing stuff. (I go to bed late too, but that’s probably an insomnia thing…) I’m always up and about by 6. Often by 5.30 – and regularly, much earlier.

Our kids seem  to follow my ‘early rising’ habits, which Hubby doesn’t particularly appreciate. But it was funny, the conversation the other morning.

Hubby: “You slept in until after 6.30 this morning, [Miss 8]. Well done!”

Miss 8: “Yes, I’m learning. I like sleeping in! I try to sleep in until 7 o’clock on weekdays, but Mummy won’t let me!”

(It was at this point that I choked on my toast. I laughed, hard, for a long time. We have to leave for school before 7.30 if we’re going to get there on time – and getting them ready by 7.30 only happens when they all are out of bed by 6am.)

It was really a very very very funny moment!