Christianity random scribblings Random thoughts Writing

Possible pacing problems?

And how’s the alliteration in that title for you 😀

So I wrote a 100 word story last weekend for the flash fiction contest on Janet Reid’s blog (literary agent extraordinaire, QOTKU and now agent-wrangler at New Leaf Literary and Media) with the five prompt words: dog, horse, proud, spirit, and herd.

I must admit, I was pretty happy with my entry.

But nary a mention. Nada. Zip. (Well, being awarded a zip might have been nice. Instead there was not even the sound of a lonely cricket…)

And casting my eye over the story again, I was wondering if perhaps pacing could be the issue. (Assuming, of course, that it’s not the overtly Christian content, the fact that it’s written from Satan’s point of view2819385851_04df2f653e_m, or just too obscure…)

I was happy with the ‘Adam naming the animals’ leading into the ‘creation of Eve’ sections – but perhaps that didn’t leave enough space to develop the antagonist’s POV enough.

I emailed it to another writer friend, but – I didn’t know at the time! -he’s moving house. He apologised about not replying; I said please don’t; he has enough on his plate!

I then fell sick a few days back, so was unable to make it to my local writers’ group meeting. I had another member read out my story for me. Her response? “Everyone enjoyed it.” Which is nice, but not particularly detailed. Sigh.

So I’m still left wondering – is it pacing? Is it too Christian? Is it too Satan-ic? Or is it just, simply, too obscure?

I’d love to know what YOU think!

“Cat,” he says. “Horse.”

The angel scribes carefully; smiles. “Last one.”

The man gazes at the creature. “Dog.” The angel scribes, nods; then disappears into the spirit realm.

The Master inclines his head. Ancient eyes close.

The man falls asleep.


Later, he wakes; a woman beside him, clothed in purity. “Eve,” whispers the man, eyes wide, marvelling. “My own.”

I smirk. This’ll be easy.

Later still, she explores the garden, head erect; her desire to please ripe for the plucking.


I slither over; make my move.

Offended, proud, she seeks to best me in a match of wills.

I win.

So – do *you* think that pacing may be an issue?

And have a lovely week, dear reader!

— KRidwyn

CC image courtesy Nicholas Brekhus on Flickr