More about me Random thoughts

Night-time visions

I can’t remember when my insomnia first started. I think my earliest memories of it were when I was a teenager. Back in high school, I got into the habit of staying up very late at night, reading. Then I would get up at 6 the  next morning, as I always have.

Source: via Ceridwyn on Pinterest

At Uni, the poor sleeping habits continued. And then in my second year of Uni, I joined a cult. (Didn’t know that that’s what it was at the time, though!) Time in the cult was time spent awake. At meetings, at church services, at coffee, at meeting with people, at conferences, and at Bible”studies”. When I’d been there a few months, I was asked to join their leadership. Which meant even more hours awake – for the rest of my time in the cult, I would average around four hours of sleep each night.
Maybe, that’s when I got hooked on the adrenaline rush that accompanied my lack-of-sleep. That’s when I decided that I could accomplish so much more, if I didn’t have to spend 7 -8 hours sleeping each night. I liked knowing that I had more control over my body, than my body had over me.
I liked that I could do more, because I was awake. I like that I had time and space to myself at night when others were asleep and the world was quiet.
And then I left the cult. But I didn’t leave behind me the feeling of superiority I had gained by doing so much more when others were asleep. I carried that into my life after Uni,  and into my married life, and into my life at work. Then, seven years  ago, kids came along. I entered a whole new world of sleepless nights and being woken at strange times and odd hours.
My insomniac habits, which had been gradually decreasing, return full force.. It has continued to this date.. Now, self-employed, and studying my Masters online, I find that this lifestyle – being awake at night when everyone else is asleep – is the only one that I can use to effectively get through all of the tasks that I have set myself. And really, I’m okay with that. I love my life.