Baby steps

It’s June 13. I’m 13 days late in starting my #blogJune for this year. I feel pretty crap about that, actually.

And I could make every excuse under the sun, too (well, probably not EVERY excuse, but quite a few of them!)

– I’m not happy with this new blog

– It doesn’t look how I want it to – AT all!

– It’s on a mega-old version of WordPress and I don’t have the time to update it

– Getting it to look & work how I want it to, seems too overwhelming a task

– It’s Day 13 and that means almost 2 weeks worth of ‘catching up’ to do – something I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do – successfully, meaningfully, un-superficially…ly (yeh, I know, I just made up a word. whoops. I know what I meant, okay?)

– I absolutely HATE doing anything half-heartedly. (okay, another ‘ly’ word, but I think that this one is okay) And so, when I think about #blogJune, I want my 30 days worth of posts to be meaningful. To be thoughtfully considered prior to my clicking ‘publish’. To be worthy of being read. To make sense – to the outside world, as well as to my adled brain! And I’m pretty darn sure that these posts are not going to be any of that!

So, I guess I have a choice to make. Number 1. Don’t blog until the stuff I write is the standard that I’m happy with, and the blog is also what I want it to look like. Been doing that for the last 13 days and I’m not feeling particularly happy about it. At all. Number 2. Write stuff anyway. Click ‘Publish’. and then smile and learn to BE OKAY with the fact that I’ve put a blog post ‘out there’ which I know wasn’t exactly what I had wanted it to be.

Did I tell you that I spent three months with a Psych Nurse once? Weekly, then fortnightly sessions, immediately after Miss 5 was born, to get me through Post-Natal depression. She told me to think this way: “It’s not a *lowering* of your expectations for yourself, it’s making those expectations *realistic*. Sigh. I guess I need to apply that kinda thinking to this blog, too.

So. For me, June 13 is the beginning of my 2013 #BlogJune journey. Sorry, all my fellow #blogJuners, for being so slack in starting – I hope I am not offending anyone by starting so late! Please don’t feel as though my being so frickin’ tardy is in any way a reflection on the brilliant concept that is #blogJune – this is my third time, and although I doubt that now I’ll get 30 blog posts in, I’m determined to at least submit *something*! Even if it’s just so that, when I look in the mirror, it’s one less thing that I’ve told myself that I’m going to do, and have *not* failed at, disappointed myself yada yada yada – Wow! That’s depressing writing! Let’s move on…!

Last year I spent the 30 days writing about my son. This year, it’ll be me, I think. I need to get my brain clutter out onto the screen. So – if you’re still interested after reading the waffle that was the paragraphs above, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, dear reader!

Have a lovely day too, by the way. 🙂

— Ceridwyn